tomorrow is halloween

i dont want to talk about a&s. i work with lovely women but i could be getting reading done and working on papers. its halloween tomorrow night. all saints day pagen new year. the time when the veil between the living and the dead is the thinest. day of the dead is a day later. i haven't been painting, there is no time and i don't know what box my paints and brushes are in. sigh. pastels are ok but painting is my love. some one asked me if it was the painting or the paint i love. but this person drew with graphite . no color and they where not real pictorial. lines and numbers. geometry . visually numbing to me. ha thats a bit judgey of me. i think of that question on a semi annual basis. and the answer is always the same. both. i love the paint cause its sensual its sexy. and i love painting because when it works i stand back looking at it admiring it. and i know with out a doubt its as good if not better than some great artists and i can see them in any museum any where and fuck any one who does not think they're great because they rock and i think ya i should be famous selling my paintings for a living. emmmhmmmm right and i will always keep that dream alive even when  some one doesn't like them and i doubt my self and feel like a fake a phony  the voices start and its all i can do not to sit in a corner and rock back and forth. you suck who you fooling since when give up really? but i go on any way cause i know im right and as previously stated fuck everyone else and instead i try to write apa style while i wait around to be saved or save my self if know one else comes along.